The 23rd

This will forever be a special date from me cause it was the day i met her, the girl who change me as a person. Tho we are not on the best of terms at the moment, i cant imagine not having her in my life. This is just the introduction to the story of us... next month i will show and tell yall why a adore and love that girl so much.. even through ALL the BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT STINK but i love ma STINKA more..

WHY O WHY???

Why do i still care? O Why dont you care anymore?
Why do i still answer you calls? O Why do you still call me if u dont want me?
Why do i still love to hear your voice? O Why do you say the meanest shit to me?
Why do i still want u to be my 1 and only? O Why cant u be happy with the 1 you have?
Why do i still feel like its my fault? O why do you still keep blaming me?
Why do i still reach for ur hand and tummy? O Why do u give me knuckle and back?

Why O Why do i feel these ways? O Why O Why do i still choose to stay?

~~~~SN: for those who didnt get it. i reach for her cause we facing each other so i hold her hand and caress her waist and tummy... but on her end her back is turned so i grab the back of her hand or knuckles and her back or butt...~~~~

Stuck in hearts love limbo/maze

For the last couple days i have been tring to figure out ONE simple question, 'is it time to move on and let go?'. This coming after i finally decide to go out with a new girl just to get out the house and havev some fun. Long Story short, there was some Guaranteed action available for me.... but i didnt take it. To me there was multiple reasons why i didnt do it, but non of them had anything to do with me or with the persistant female. All i could do is think about my ex, what she would say, how she would feel, and how it would affect use getting back together cause that my goal in the end. I still love my ex dearly, but i got needs to. I dont wanna add anymore partners to my list to have to tell her about in the future but who's to say she note adding chapters? Depriving myself of sex is a small price to pay to get her back.... but is it the right choice? is that to much respect for since we are not a couple, i have been called to sensitive cause im single but worried bout an ex but also to cute in the fact in still dedicated to someone who im tring to work things out with. These lonely night starting to add up and i would like to feel that need and warmth of a woman sometimes...i still wanna wait on her, but its not fair to me. Maybe i will just have 1 friend that is also not ready for another relationship but like the companionship of a nice guy. I dont know, but i need to escape this maze so i can find out what my future really holds.... Anybody got any suggestionson a way out?

A Good Woman

Just something i stumbled across on the internet...

Broken Hearts Dont sleep

The story of my summer.... Feels like the night time has become my enemy. Constantly fighting battling feeling of lonelyness, betrayal, heartbreak, and regret. When my eyes close, my heart takes over. Pumping all of the feeling into my mind. One night i HAD A RECORD 6 DIFFERENT NIGHTMARES, each one more real than the next. The worst was when i rolled over after one, thinking you would be their, only to find a flat pillow u slept with so i held that for a night. It was impossible for my body to rest under the stress of all thought of what I did wrong, and how could i fix it.... To bad even in my mind, i couldnt mend the wounds i caused. Never have I seen sooo many sun rises, felt so many tears fall,or so many bright stars in the night sky, but my shining star was still missing. A sense of peace would come over me as i closed my eyes as the cold wind blew. Then the shiver of the cold reality would soon change me back. I envy the night, so peaceful and calm with itself. While i feel as if im surrounded by the bands of the southern classic. The sun would bring fun, energy, and life that would just suck mines away. The light would be a perfect potion of all of the places, events, and moments that would take me back in time to my happier days that are now just figments of my imagination. It wouldnt be till my body gave out from lack of sleep & food that i would get a moments rest while i was to exhausted to dream about my star that gone. 'An idle mind will wonder' and mine has taken me to the moon and back repeatedly.

A lil all over the place, but now its off my mind. :)

Shadow Monkey

My go to for advice, fun, laughs, and a good time. Always around to listen and give me the real even if im wrong. Always making sure to "say it wit ya chest, lil ass nigga" lol. But honest to GOD you helped me through a really tough time in my life, and i appreciate you so much for that. All i can really say is THANK YOU and if u ever need an executive decision made... i will be sure to boot that ass for you lol.

Love sick

Love sickness is just like the common cold, u cant get rid of it once you got it. When you under the weather of love, every situation is magnified and rational decisions can never be made. The wrong choice seems to follow you around and your making no progress to dump your heavy burden. A black rain cloud seems to be following me around, raining down my face masking the tears and sadness. I hold my head down cause im afraid of the hurricane that is coming next, even tho i been taking all the lightning strikes on the chin this far. But this last storm hit home, it hit hard and hit deep. Took me totally by surprise and went directly to my soft spot. Left a mark that may never heal, but the bruise will always remind me of that pain. But the funny part is..... that i will probably walk down that same road, thru the same storm, with a metal pole hoping to take a different path for a better outcome. Does this make me a fool or is it faith? Does this make me a addict to stress, the drama, the pain, or maybe i just love the way it hurts, could it just be test of wills or simple be me being in denial or over a lost cause.

So.... am i actually so in love that im sick... or should i be sick or this love.