mind clearing moment

i havent seen u in over a yeah and still everyday u cross my mind,
im still living in the past cause i dont wanna leave u behind.
Prolly not till i meet another angel will these clouds move and let my light shine,
so until then imma stay got this money grind.
Get ma shit together so history doesn't repeat it self,
cause i refuse to lose another love cause of me searching for personal wealth.
i did alot wrong even tho it was unintentional and a miss understanding,
all i wanted to do is be their for u like, so much i became demanding,
controlling ur every action like u didnt have ur own feet for standing.
it wasnt to degrade you or make u feel inferior,
it was to let u kno above all other females u were their superior.
I thought the more i did, the more you'd love me,
when all u wanted was to be love by me, personally.
No gifts, no help, no advice, just be there for you,
But rest assured in future i will kno what to do.
Let you be you and discover your own lane,
cause for anybody to break free, you gotta let loosen the chain,
let them discover life, all the fun, the love, the heartache and the pain.
Even after everything i would still start over and do it all again.
I can tell from u voice u have no interest in going a second round,
but if u do and im single, dont hesitate to come back around.
i miss ur face, your voice and just having u around,
listening to all ur medical stories about ur lab compounds.
I could go on forever, telling u everything that i miss,
but imma rap this up, cause u may not even read this.
the thing i miss the most and its sad that i cant remember it,
are the soft sexy lips, and the dreams i saw when we kissed... shit


i STill love u kirby and that will never change,
ur initial still sits close to my heart where u will always remain...

I try to play cool, Actin like what you do don't phase me,
Meanwhile I'm sittin at home, all alone, Tryin to keep myself from goin crazy
When I'm in the house, when I think about you being out, I want my baby back,
but once derailed, it is not that easy to get back on track
I thought it would be easy, but it's hard for me to let you go.

but instead u let me float away like a balloon,
i think on purpose so our connecttion could be as far away as the moon.
yet still in sight, for what might be a future or a distant memory.


10 months and not one drunk, angry, or depressed text about u missing what we had,
but then again why would u miss something u describe as being just so bad.

As sad as u described i made u for soooo long i wonder why u still even wanna be my friend. Maybe payback cause u kno i still love u and want u until my very last breathe, so u gonna make me gasp for each one till my time runs out. if u wanted to break me im HAMMER, if u wanted payback you bankrupted my heart, if u wanted to leave ur mark im internally branded, if u wanted a hero u found ur superman.

all this from a girl who likes me and saw a picture of my ex and said " damn, yall look like yall belong together, when yall hooking back up?" never hear somebody say that about anybody and i got a cold chill. to think all that was captured in a single picture taken by a stranger taken at an italian restaurant. guess thats why i had that one engraved into the dog tag...

Grenade VS Ice Box

stuck between ice and an explosive place

Bruno Mars Grenade

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh
You’ d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no

Omarion - Ice Box


Fussin' and fightin', we back at it again
I know that, it's my fault, but you don't understand (no)
I got memories, this is crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
Good with ma, good with pa, cool with all my niggas
I should try, truth is I wanna let u in, but no
Damn these memories, and it's crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know

[Bridge]
Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
But I got this

[Chorus 2x]
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

Why can't I get it right, just can't let it go
I opened up, she let me down, I won't feel that no more
I got memories, this is crazy
She ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
I don't mean to take it out on you baby but I can't help it
'Cause my heart is in the same ol' condition that baby left it
And I, I apologize, for makin' you cry
Look me in my eye and promise you won't do me the same

[Bridge]
Girl I really wanna work this out, 'cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
But I got this

[Chorus 2x]
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

I don't wanna be stuck up in this cold cold world ('cause I don't wanna be) [2x]
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl [6x]

[Bridge]
Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
But I got this

[Chorus 2x]
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

The Aftermath

Somethings you can never forgive,
cause some things u can never forget.
Everytime you recall that feeling,
your emotions are overcome with sadness grief and regrets.
How can u ever move past it,
when that thought alone always brings back thoughts so tragic.
They say its better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all,
who told that lie, id rather have loved and died.
That short term love turns into to long term tears, next time fears,
and currently steers you away from ever loving again.
At least thats how i feel currently as the man i stand here as of today,
but whose to say some lady wont come sway my way of thinking,
So imma keep praying, faithing, waiting and wishing.

1 day I'll be happy again

New Years eve 2011

The end of the worst year of my life,
never had so much heartache and striff.
All from the people who i held dear,
girlfriends and roomates cut my throat from ear to ear.
My ego and trust in people thrown out the window,
never had i been so deceived by so many people.
Shame on me for falling in love with you,
when everyone always said it was to good to be tru.
Against the grain has always been the path i choose,
but that path led me down a dead end road.. Closed.
Getting back on track is not as easy as going in reverse,
the one way train of life doesnt allow u to back trach,just change course.
Traveling with my eyes closed i probably missed many opportunites,
waiting on the past to rewind and so i can rewrite history.
Who did i think he was, what kinda power did i think i had over my life,
why did i think i was special, what made me think my back was stronger than that knife.
This new year i will bring in alone.. just me in my zone.
Most people resolve to be nicer, well mines is gonna have to be the opposite. do for me and do for self, cant nobody make me happerier than me right>

In loving memory of a dear friend..

We grew up inseparable, together all the time.
we worked together, Lived together,
smile together, cried together,
watched each other grow into adults.

Somewhere down the line things changed,
you started hanging with a different 'crew',
your values, actions, and personality changed.
you slowly started to drift away and soon you were out of my grasp.

Peer pressure, bordom, and influences one 2009 summer night,
exposed you to a deadly disease that turned out to be uncureable.
The parasite slowly began to take over and minipulate your mind,
and pretty soon u were complete under its control.

The closest people to you didnt even recognize you,
the ones who you loved couldnt tell u did anymore,
all we knew was that u were different and we didnt kno why.
It would all come to the light the next summer,1 year later.

I tried my best to save it,
tried everything in book to try to treat it.
Nothing worked, but lord knows i tried,
but u cant win them all.

To think i will never see you perform again,
never get to celebrate your birthday,
never go to another homecoming party,
or just be in each other presence like we use to be.

Curiosity killed the cat, is the best way to put it.
It killed my best friend, killed out dreams,
killed our future and almost killed me to.

It was unbelievable at first, but we all knew it was coming,
GOD took you alot sooner than expected,
but maybe it was for the better,
now i can remember u for what u were and not what u became.

Moving on is the hardest part, cause i never thought i would have to.
thought u would be around forever to tell the kids old stories bout our childhood, the hot tv shows, all the cool dances, and show pictures of our hair and clothes.

Not a day goes by that you dont cross my mind.
In the end i would give anything to have you back,
but could things ever be the same.... i dont know hard to say.
Would take alot of work but nothing good comes easy.

I hope this reaches you out there, where ever you are...
once u put something into cyber space aint no telling where it will go,
High in the sky or low underground,
it will never be as lost as i am without my bestfriend..

clouded mind

My clouded mind seems to keep me from closing my eyes,
from witnessing the peace of rest and the comfort of sleeping.
Is it natural for me to be going through this, and is it unnatural for her not to,
is this what i planted into our relaionship and this is my punishement, my reaping?Events & situations, memories & dreams, good times & bad times,
Flood my mind with emotions i feel i will be forever keeping.

Or is this something different, my defining momemt to step out and step forward,
To discover more about myself as a man, and GODs plan for my life.
To focus on other opportunities and begin new journeys,
things i would have been able to with kids and her as my wife.
Fatherhood, family, providing and saving all sound like great things to me,
but it that wasnt your plan, we would be doomed to struggles and strife.

All i kno now is the pain that i feel, the confusion about what really happened, and the reality that regarddless there is nothing more i could have dont to save it.
What i dont know is who you are anymore, how u could treat somebody u saw everyday for many years like a meaningless friend, somebody u passes the time wit.
What i need to kno is how to let go, let you realize the love, comfort, friend, and man u left behind, and find someone who will take all the love i showed you and let me feel it.

The one thought i cant figure out is what more do i have to offer. I gave it my all. what will be left of me when they stitch up the stab in the back and mend my broken heart. Who would willingly walk back into love again knowing what the outcome could be. The LOVE game is a puzzle i dont kno if i will ever be ready to restart..