clouded mind

My clouded mind seems to keep me from closing my eyes,
from witnessing the peace of rest and the comfort of sleeping.
Is it natural for me to be going through this, and is it unnatural for her not to,
is this what i planted into our relaionship and this is my punishement, my reaping?Events & situations, memories & dreams, good times & bad times,
Flood my mind with emotions i feel i will be forever keeping.

Or is this something different, my defining momemt to step out and step forward,
To discover more about myself as a man, and GODs plan for my life.
To focus on other opportunities and begin new journeys,
things i would have been able to with kids and her as my wife.
Fatherhood, family, providing and saving all sound like great things to me,
but it that wasnt your plan, we would be doomed to struggles and strife.

All i kno now is the pain that i feel, the confusion about what really happened, and the reality that regarddless there is nothing more i could have dont to save it.
What i dont know is who you are anymore, how u could treat somebody u saw everyday for many years like a meaningless friend, somebody u passes the time wit.
What i need to kno is how to let go, let you realize the love, comfort, friend, and man u left behind, and find someone who will take all the love i showed you and let me feel it.

The one thought i cant figure out is what more do i have to offer. I gave it my all. what will be left of me when they stitch up the stab in the back and mend my broken heart. Who would willingly walk back into love again knowing what the outcome could be. The LOVE game is a puzzle i dont kno if i will ever be ready to restart..