In loving memory of a dear friend..

We grew up inseparable, together all the time.
we worked together, Lived together,
smile together, cried together,
watched each other grow into adults.

Somewhere down the line things changed,
you started hanging with a different 'crew',
your values, actions, and personality changed.
you slowly started to drift away and soon you were out of my grasp.

Peer pressure, bordom, and influences one 2009 summer night,
exposed you to a deadly disease that turned out to be uncureable.
The parasite slowly began to take over and minipulate your mind,
and pretty soon u were complete under its control.

The closest people to you didnt even recognize you,
the ones who you loved couldnt tell u did anymore,
all we knew was that u were different and we didnt kno why.
It would all come to the light the next summer,1 year later.

I tried my best to save it,
tried everything in book to try to treat it.
Nothing worked, but lord knows i tried,
but u cant win them all.

To think i will never see you perform again,
never get to celebrate your birthday,
never go to another homecoming party,
or just be in each other presence like we use to be.

Curiosity killed the cat, is the best way to put it.
It killed my best friend, killed out dreams,
killed our future and almost killed me to.

It was unbelievable at first, but we all knew it was coming,
GOD took you alot sooner than expected,
but maybe it was for the better,
now i can remember u for what u were and not what u became.

Moving on is the hardest part, cause i never thought i would have to.
thought u would be around forever to tell the kids old stories bout our childhood, the hot tv shows, all the cool dances, and show pictures of our hair and clothes.

Not a day goes by that you dont cross my mind.
In the end i would give anything to have you back,
but could things ever be the same.... i dont know hard to say.
Would take alot of work but nothing good comes easy.

I hope this reaches you out there, where ever you are...
once u put something into cyber space aint no telling where it will go,
High in the sky or low underground,
it will never be as lost as i am without my bestfriend..

clouded mind

My clouded mind seems to keep me from closing my eyes,
from witnessing the peace of rest and the comfort of sleeping.
Is it natural for me to be going through this, and is it unnatural for her not to,
is this what i planted into our relaionship and this is my punishement, my reaping?Events & situations, memories & dreams, good times & bad times,
Flood my mind with emotions i feel i will be forever keeping.

Or is this something different, my defining momemt to step out and step forward,
To discover more about myself as a man, and GODs plan for my life.
To focus on other opportunities and begin new journeys,
things i would have been able to with kids and her as my wife.
Fatherhood, family, providing and saving all sound like great things to me,
but it that wasnt your plan, we would be doomed to struggles and strife.

All i kno now is the pain that i feel, the confusion about what really happened, and the reality that regarddless there is nothing more i could have dont to save it.
What i dont know is who you are anymore, how u could treat somebody u saw everyday for many years like a meaningless friend, somebody u passes the time wit.
What i need to kno is how to let go, let you realize the love, comfort, friend, and man u left behind, and find someone who will take all the love i showed you and let me feel it.

The one thought i cant figure out is what more do i have to offer. I gave it my all. what will be left of me when they stitch up the stab in the back and mend my broken heart. Who would willingly walk back into love again knowing what the outcome could be. The LOVE game is a puzzle i dont kno if i will ever be ready to restart..